


Monsters

by quillghost



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:48:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3404450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quillghost/pseuds/quillghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Partners in crime AU. Laura and Carmilla are criminals on the run from the police.<br/>Danny and Kirsch are detectives on the case. LaFontaine is a forensic specialist and Perry is a therapist.<br/>All too tragic for sock puppets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ashes to Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Death, robbery and murder
> 
> Buckle up, this is not a particularly happy ride.

It took Laura 3 years living with Nick Hollis to start to love winter. In Seattle, winter often meant going weeks or even months without seeing the sun, and that long stretch of grey did nothing to help Laura’s fight to remain optimistic in her situation. None of the foster homes Laura had been in celebrated any of the holidays, so there was nothing about the season to look forward to apart from an abyss of grey and a coldness that cheap wool blankets did nothing to counteract. 

Laura was always smaller than the other kids growing up. Well, even now she’s small for a 17 year old but that’s beside the point. Being small and a girl growing up in the system was not a good combination. She was constantly picked on, stolen from, shoved around. She had no friends, no way to protect herself, and no way out. She hated foster care, and while being small and innocent looking was the reason she had such a hard time, she held out hope that those traits would be what would get her adopted. 

When Nick decided he’d been alone long enough after the death of his wife, he did what they’d always talked about after the news of her inability to have children; he adopted one that was in need. Laura was 10 and in her 4th foster home when Nick saw her for the first time. She was curled on the bottom bunk bed in the corner of the room, chocolate smudged on the corner of her mouth, her shiny brown eyes watching sadly as the other children played with each other. She could’ve passed for the child his wife never had. Emily had been gone for 5 years, but Nick could hear her voice, clear as a bell in his head, telling him “that’s the one”. 

He walked slowly across the room, stepping over the mess of children’s toys strewn about the floor, coming to a stop and kneeling in front of the tiny girl to catch her eyes. 

“Um,” he began, unsure of how to behave in this situation, “What’s- I’m Nick Hollis, what’s your name?” 

“Laura,” she spoke, her voice soft and shaky, “I don’t have a last name,” 

Nick’s eyes softened with sadness at the fact. 

“But I…like cookies. And soda,” Laura offered, as if the information were a consolation for her lack of a last name. And Nick was a goner.

\--------------------

Laura tried her best not to get her hopes up when Nick took her home with him. She’d heard enough horror stories about parents backing out when they realized the gravity of what they’d done to know that adults weren't always reliable. In fact, she probably didn't trust what was happening for the first year that she was with him. Nick Hollis was too good to be true. The first place he took her after he signed the papers was the toy store, after she told him she’d never celebrated Christmas before. It was January, but Nick insisted that it was a crime to have missed as many Christmas celebrations as she had already, and he wouldn't waste another year. 

Laura was blown away when they got home and she saw that she’d have an entire room to herself. She’d never had her own space, slept in a bed so big, or had so much of her own stuff. Toys, a bookshelf, and a promise to be taken clothes shopping before she started at her new school. Nick and Emily had always wanted a child to give the world to, and although he was 5 years behind schedule, he intended to make up for lost time. 

Laura’s new home was in a typically suburban house, in a nice neighborhood with plenty of other kids her age. Her curfew was 5:00 p.m, two hours earlier than the other kids, but he never wanted her out past dark. Or anywhere near the time it got dark. The kids sometimes made fun of her for carrying bear spray and a whistle, but Laura would do anything to make her new father happy, and they did admittedly make her feel pretty safe. 

It took her a year to stop calling him Mr. Hollis and start calling him dad. 

It took her another year to begin to trust that he wasn't going anywhere, and for the dream like quality of her new life to begin to settle into something real and reliable. Something she could hold on to. 

On her third year with him she found herself looking forward to Christmas, and enjoying the hot coco and new sweaters that the holiday season brought with it. Her dad was overprotected, but she was all he had and vice versa; she wouldn't trade it for anything. Laura knew how lucky she was to have been adopted by someone like Nick Hollis; someone who would never hurt her, and who would do anything in his power to make sure no harm came to her. He enrolled her in the best schools in the area, and she finally found the sense of stability she’d been searching for her whole life. 

And so Laura got 7 good years with Nick. 

She got 7 Christmases, 7 years with the father she’d dreamed of. She got to go to high school, make friends, and had the support system she needed to know what she wanted to do with her life, to know that she wanted to be a journalist. Laura got to spend her winter’s indoors, shut away from the bone-chilling wind, long enough to fall in love with the beauty of the season. The warmth of a home had her forgetting to miss the sun. 

Nick got the daughter him and his wife had always dreamed of. He often found himself thinking that she took after Emily, before reminding himself that it was impossible for her to take after someone she’d never met. It didn't change the fact that Laura was sweet, strong, diligent and compassionate, almost to a fault, the same way Emily had been. He raised her the way him and Emily had always wanted to raise a kid; albeit he was a bit more overprotective than Emily probably would've been. Laura had him remembering how to be happy. She erased the cold, empty feeling in his chest that he didn't think would ever go away after he lost the love of his life. 

Laura had just turned 17, and it was the last day of school before winter break. She knew something was wrong when her father wasn't waiting for her in the pick-up lane outside of her high school. Nick was never late to pick her up from school, not in the 7 years she’d spent with him. When he didn't answer her calls on the “new” razor flip phone she’d gotten for her birthday, she took the bus home for the first time in her life. Her hands shook as she unlocked the front door, the sense of dread in her stomach becoming heavier with every passing minute. 

“Dad?” Laura called out. 

No response. 

She passed an empty living room, walked slowly through an empty dining room toward the kitchen. She entered, and saw a tea pot sitting on the burner that had been left unattended. Her heartbeat was deafening in her ears by the time her eyes landed on the pair of feet poking out from behind the island counter. She had an idea of what had happened at this point, and she rounded the corner as if she had no control of her body. 

“Dad,” she whispered brokenly when he came into full view, lying unconscious on their kitchen floor. Her eyes were glued on the house phone, clutched still in his left hand. The sound of the dial tone was floating up to her, the numbers “9-1” blinking on the screen. Her eyes stayed on his hand, she looked steadily and the polished gold of his wedding ring as she reached for his neck and felt for his pulse point. She couldn't bear to look at his face. He was still, and her mind struggled to understand that there was no pulse. 

The teapot screeched suddenly, and it was the alarm that sent Laura’s brain into action, that forced her into understanding. 

Laura screamed. 

\--------------------

“I want to see everyone’s hands! Keep your hands where I can see them and no one gets hurt!” 

Laura’s hands were sweating and she gripped the gun hard enough for it to hurt. It was 1 in the morning and there was only one person in the convenience store, so Laura didn't know who she meant by “everyone” but she wasn't thinking clearly enough to rethink her pre rehearsed lines. 

The clerk didn't look much older than her, 19 maybe, and her hands were shaking from their position in the air. Laura may have noticed if she weren't so focused on trying to steady her own hands. 

“Now I want you to-open the register. Slowly! And place everything on the counter,” Laura was struggling to breathe through the beany pulled over her face; she’d forgotten to cut a hole for her mouth. 

When the clerk did as she asked Laura snapped at her to put her hands back up and to back away from the counter. She fumbled with the bag over her shoulder, swept the money in and began to back out the door, not lowering the gun until she was outside. She got a glimpse of the clerk picking up the phone right before she turned around and ran. 

Laura had been living on the streets for six months now, but she had never done anything as extreme as robbing a store. Despite her situation, she would never actually hurt someone, she just desperately wanted to sleep on a mattress and have a hot shower, and to do that she needed to pay for a motel room.  
She didn't have the slightest clue how to get her hands on a gun, nor did she particularly want one, so she ended up with a cheap water gun coated in black paint and a prayer that no one could tell the difference. It appeared to have worked well enough in action. 

The sirens started before she even made it out of sight of the convenience store. She flew around the corner and found herself running through a residential neighborhood. The sirens were getting louder and she hurriedly shoved her water gun into her bag, frantically trying to decide where to hide.  
All of the lawns were bare, no trees or bushes to hide in. her eyes scanned the street desperately, before landing on what was clearly the biggest house in a neighborhood full of big houses. There was an iron gate surrounding the property, and plenty of trees and bushes decorating the lawn. If Laura could just get over the fence-

Picking up speed as she neared the fence, Laura launched herself in a desperate hail mary reach for the top of the fence, her fingers barely wrapping around it. Thanks to her dad’s overprotective nature, her upper body strength from years of krav maga classes was just enough for her to pull herself over the top. 

She fell into the bushes below and laid there long enough to see the cop cars come blaring through the neighborhood, fly past where she was hiding and disappear around the corner. Laura laid uncomfortably in the bushes until her heart rate slowed down and her hands stopped shaking, but she was still too afraid to think about going back out on the streets. Laura’s eyes scanned the property; whoever lived her had to be rich, it was huge! All of the lights in the house were off, so Laura got up and cautiously wandered the length of the property, trailing along the length of the fence. 

Laura didn't really want to think about leaving where she was and risk running into the cops again, and it wasn’t like she had anywhere else to go. So she wandered over to the back of the house and curled up behind a tree and some bushes and stared up at the sky until she dozed off. 

\--------------------

It was 3 a.m when a scream ripped through the silence of the night, jerking Laura violently awake. It took her several seconds to remind herself that it wasn't her screaming, that she was outside in the grass and not kneeling on her kitchen floor, screaming over the sound of a teapot. 

Blinking tears from her eyes, she looked around frantically and deduced that the scream had come from the kitchen of the house who’s yard she was in. it was the only light on in the house, the only light in the neighborhood really. 

“I should just leave,” Laura whispered.

There was another scream. It blood-curdling, the scream of someone desperate. Without thinking Laura jumped up and ran to the front door. She hesitated for a moment at the front door, before her selflessness got the better of her and she turned the handle. 

It was unlocked, and the door swung open easily. 

The foyer was dark and the house was quiet except for the soft sound of someone crying.

Laura followed the sound to the door she assumed led to the kitchen, where light was peeking out. As she got closer she could make out rushed, mumbled words in between sniffling. 

“Oh my god, what did I do what did I do what have I” the stream of words cut off when Laura pushed the door open and froze in the doorway. 

The first thing Laura’s mind registered was all the blood. More blood than she’d ever seen in her life. It was pooling on the floor, smeared on the walls, the counters. Spreading from the body of a woman lying on the floor. A body. Laura felt bile rising in her throat, and her eyes finally landed on the girl curled up, back pressing against the dishwasher, arms wrapped around her knees. She sat about five feet away from the woman’s body, trembling visibly and staring wide eyed at Laura. The blood was on the girl too, it had painted her hands red and was smeared up her arms, sprinkled like freckles across her face. Her face. Laura recognized her. 

It was Carmilla Karnstein.


	2. Not So Starry-Eyed Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla has got some issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: depictions of abuse, drug use, murder...somewhat graphic  
> Carms mom is a shitbag as per usual

_The Day Before_

_Thirty minutes_ , Carmilla told herself, glancing at the clock for the third time in the last 5 minutes.

Her last painkiller was wearing off, and she’d already taken more today than was probably safe. She sat stiffly in her seat and had long since given up on hearing any of the words coming out of the history teacher’s mouth, thinking only of the ticking clock and the soft bed awaiting her at home.

After another five minutes passed, the voices of the girls next to her floated over, and the name they mentioned pierced through the heavy fog in her mind.

“Laura? As in Hollis?” the blonde was saying, loud enough to warrant a pause and a glare from Mr. Jensen.

Her friend waited to respond and Carmilla almost stopped listening, but then, “Yeah. She was begging for money outside of the Smith Tower.”

There wasn’t much outside of Carmilla’s fragile and tumultuous bubble of existence that she could find the energy to care about, but the scrap of information about her former classmate had her feeling…something.

It had been six months since anyone had seen Laura. The last time she came to school was the last day before winter break. She remembered because Laura had slammed into her on the way to class and the tiny whirlwind’s books went flying everywhere. Carmilla had bit out a, “watch where you’re going, _creampuff,_ ” delivering the pet name like it was the dirtiest insult she could concoct, before kneeling down and helping her pick up her books. Carmilla had gotten up and walked away without an explanation or a backward glance, and that was the last time she’d seen her.

Everyone heard the news about Nick Hollis the first day back from winter break, and Carmilla wondered what it would feel like to lose a parent you genuinely cared about.

She’d only known Laura in passing, from the occasional shared class. She was one of the only people with an obnoxious enough personality for Carmilla to actually take note of her existence. But she was still…sad for the girl.

Carmilla was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of the bell, surprised to find that she spent the last 20 or so minutes thinking about something other than the passing seconds and the stinging in her ribs.

* * *

 

The sleek black Audi sitting in the driveway had Carmilla’s heart sinking to her feet before she even had her key in the lock. Her mother was waiting, predictably, in the armchair in the living room. Carmilla would’ve given anything in that moment to be able to pass by her unnoticed, to be able to rest her sore muscles in bed without having the black hole that was her mother’s existence preventing her.

She wondered what she did to deserve this; coming home after a long day and wishing for nothing but an uninterrupted path to the stairs, unable to even have that granted.

“Carmilla,”

She hated that the sound of her own name sent a chill down her spine.

“Yes, Mother?” Carmilla lingers in the doorway of the living room, eyes on the stares, pretending not to feel the heat of her mother’s gaze.

“Your math teacher called today, said you didn’t make it to first period? Care to explain?”

Her mother rose slowly from her chair, every fiber of her being made up of theatrics and scare tactics. She towered at 6 food, always looking down her nose at her daughter. Her heels clicked against the tile as she approached. Her mother was always wearing those damn heels; blood red with a sharp toe and an even sharper heel. Carmilla would know.

“I overslept,” she said. The truth was that she was so sore from the last time mother lost her temper, it took her twice as long as usual to get ready that morning. But the idea of her mother knowing the amount of pain she was capable of causing her didn’t sit well with Carmilla.

She did her best not to wince when her mother wrapped her fingers in her hair, nails scraping harshly against her scalp. She yanked on the back of her hair to force Carmilla to look at her.

“You think your discipline from Friday was harsh? You’ve got another thing coming if you miss another class. Do you understand me, Carmilla?”

“ _Yes_ , Mother,” Carmilla responds again. She’d learned over the years that the two words seemed to be the least likely response to earn her a beating. This time however, she wasn’t quite able to remove the bite in her tone and her mother yanked her hand out of her mess of curls, only to reach back and slap her hard across her face. Carmilla stumbled from the force, and touched her fingers gently to the cut forming on her cheekbone. God, she wished the bitch would at least cut her nails. Although the sting in her eyes was far more humiliating than one on her cheek.

“Watch your tone,” and with that, she turned on her heel and walked out the door. Carmilla stood still until she heard the beep of the Audi unlocking, before walking stiffly up the stairs.

Her heart was slamming frantically against her chest, and blood was rushing to her face as she climbed the stairs. She tried the breathing exercises her therapist taught her, but she could still feel her anger rising like the hot flush of blood in her cheeks. The sound of her brother’s rock music blasting through his door sounded muffled and far away.

Carmilla slammed the door to her bedroom, and let out a loud yell of frustration. She threw her bag across the room, bent down and ripped her leather boots off hard enough to feel a sharp tug at her ankles, and threw them in the same direction of her bag.

 _Breathe, Carmilla_ , the memory of Perry’s voice was foggy in the back of her mind.

_When you feel yourself losing control, it’s important to remember to breathe._

There was a fire in her chest, and each outward rush of breath seemed only to stoke the flames. She distantly wondered where the hell her therapist had gotten her degree because _God,_ she grew angrier with each breath.

So, she resorted to the only method that had worked in the past. She stalked over to the wall next to her window, reared her fist back and slammed it into the drywall, hard enough to leave a crack this time. The sharp pain in her hand was enough to yank her head out of the ever darkening cloud of rage and she sighed, her body relaxing.

Finally crawling onto her bed she reached into her drawer and rummaged for a moment, sifting through a wide array of half empty pill bottles before finding the one she wanted.

 _Just a little something to help me sleep,_ Carmilla told herself, _I need it this time. I deserve it after today._

Two little pills and Carmilla was dead to the world at last.

* * *

 

_The Day Of_

There’s a weight pressing against Carmilla’s leg when she wakes, and the barest hint of light in her room tells her it must be very early in the morning.

“Carm?” It’s Will, her younger brother, shaking her leg to wake her up. He was visibly upset, but seemed to relax a little once Carmilla’s eyes focused on him.

Her voice was raspy when she asked, “What is it?”

“You weren’t waking up. I was afraid you…wouldn’t.” His voice was so sad and small that her heart broke a bit at the sound.

“I’ll always wake up, Willy boy,” she tried her best to sound disaffected as she struggled to sit up. She closed her nightstand drawer even though she knew he already knew about the pills and tried to ignore the feeling of shame settling heavily in her stomach.

Will was only 12 and small for his age, and was the only person in Carmilla’s life she could honestly say she loved. In an ideal world she’d be able to protect him from the gory details of her issues but, well, her world was anything but ideal.

“Here,” Will said, holding out his tiny fist. Carmilla reached out and he dropped a Band-Aid into her waiting hand. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes when she saw that it was Hulk themed. It was a sweet gesture. She just…wasn’t good with sweet. Or gestures.

Will followed her when she got out of bed and watched her solemnly as she applied ointment and stuck the ugly green Hulk to her cheekbone. She would definitely be taking it off before she got on the bus to school but she’d do just about anything to get her scrawny little brother to crack a smile.

“Is she gone yet?” Carmilla asked, sweeping her hair up in a bun and turning to face him.

He nodded, his eyes dropping away from her face. She knew it was hard for him to look at her when she was hurt.

His eyes were settled on the bruise on her collarbone, peeking out from her wide necked t shirt. She couldn’t blame him, he was eye level with it  and it was one of the darker ones.

“Give me a minute to get ready and I’ll meet you downstairs,”

“You don’t have to walk me to school every day, Kitty,” Will argued, his cheeks darkening to a ruddy pink in embarrassment.

“If you really meant that you wouldn’t have woken me up,”

“I only wanted to—”

Carmilla cut him off, “No arguing, get your ass downstairs and eat something, ok?”

Will rolled his eyes in a way that reminded Carmilla he truly was her brother, and left her room without another argument.

Changing in front of her floor length mirror had always made her a bit uncomfortable, but she always forced herself to look. Today it was the ribs that were hard to look at. Black and blue, except for the bright red scab forming at her sternum. Getting kicked with the sharp toe of her heels wasn’t enough, evidently, she just had to further drive home Carmilla’s humiliation by digging her heel into her, hard enough to jerk her from her decent into unconsciousness with the impact.

She had a white sheer shirt buttoned up halfway before she realized the bruises were so dark you could see them through it, so she opted for a black t shirt, rolling up the sleeves and tying it in a knot at the small of her back. She liked exposing any skin that was unmarked, for some sort of reminder that not every inch of her was damaged. Despite the way she felt most days.

Pulling on tight jeans and the usual black boots, she met Will downstairs. He was putting a bowl in the dishwasher when she came down the stairs, and he held the door open for her when they were ready to leave. Carmilla found herself hoping, not for the first time, that Will managed to hold onto his kindness throughout the coming years.

His middle school was only a few blocks away and Carmilla didn’t have much control in her life, but she liked making use of every opportunity she had to make sure Will was safe, even just on his way to school. He’d had some problems being bullied in elementary, and Carmilla wasn’t morally obligated enough not to shove down a few 9 year olds if they were hurting her brother. He’d said the bullying stopped in middle school but she couldn’t be too careful.

When they reached the school she ruffled his hair to annoy him, but he was smiling and she rolled her eyes before turning to walk home. She had an hour before she had to be at her school. She wouldn’t admit it to herself but her steps were quicker when she remembered her mother’s not-so-subtle warning the day before.

Carmilla’s day went by blissfully uneventful. She was on time for class, and Mother wasn’t home yet when she got back from school. Will was blasting rock music in his room again and Carmilla shuffled immediately into bed, cracking open a well-worn copy of The Stranger. She read until she dozed off, the book spread on her chest, not needing help from anything in her drawer for the first time in weeks.

She slept like a rock, straight through the evening and probably would have slept through the night too if it weren’t for the loud crash that woke her.

Blinking her eyes into focus, she glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand.

_2:49 a.m._

Her brows furrowed in concern and the feeling of dread she was accustomed to was back in full force. There was another crash, and Carmilla thought it sounded like a plate crashing against a wall.

The hall was dark as Carmilla left her room, panic rising when she passed Will’s room and saw he wasn’t in it. She padded quickly down the stairs and stopped at the door to the kitchen. She hesitated, feeling overwhelmed by a sense of foreboding. And yet she had no choice but to push the door open and step into the florescent lighting of an inevitable future.

Carmilla’s eyes adjusted to the light in time to see her mother bring a frying pan down on her younger brother’s head. Will let out a terrible yelp of pain, toppled back against the counter from the blow, and sort of fell slowly to his knees, eyes dazed and unfocused. For a moment she was as shocked as her brother at the sight. Her mother had never touched Will before.

“Get the fuck away from him!” Carmilla shouted, and her mother whirled around in surprise.

“Stay out of this Carmilla. This doesn’t concern you.” The woman turned back towards the youngest Karnstein, grabbing ahold of his hair much like she had with her daughter the day before. Carmilla felt the phantom scape of nails, and charged forward at the memory. She grabbed her mother’s arm, hard and yanked her around to face her. The frying pan fell to the floor and Catherine looked at her daughter with hell in her eyes.

Her hand left Will’s hair to punch her in the face, so hard that stars exploded behind Carmilla’s eyelids. She then put her foot, perpetually in heels, over Carmilla’s bare one, and slammed her heel down hard, grabbed her hair and slammed her head into the marble countertop.

Carmilla must’ve blacked out for a few minutes, because when she woke up her mother had Will slumped back against the counter and she was whaling on him, over and over, her knuckles coming away bloody.

Something snapped in Carmilla’s mind. Something dark and formidable had seized control of her mind, something she’d struggled to subdue on a daily basis.

“Catherine.”

She didn’t recognize her own voice.

When Catherine whirled to face her Carmilla was standing with a butcher’s knife in her hand, and her eyes were dark and empty.

Catherine cackled.

“What do you plan on doing with that? You stupid, coward of a girl. You wouldn’t dare.”

Carmilla walked briskly towards her, and when Catherine raised a hand to strike her she drove the knife into her shoulder, up to the hilt, without hesitating. Without blinking.

Catherine stumbled back in shock and Carmilla followed, the knife still clutched tightly in her hand.

Will was staring, dazed, seemingly unable to comprehend what was happening in front of him.

Carmilla twisted the knife in her mother’s shoulder, prompting a scream.

Will was backing away from them slowly. Carmilla’s eyes flickered to him briefly but they were blank and it was as if she were looking through him. It was what prompted him to run.

When Carmilla’s eyes had strayed from her, Catherine grabbed a dish from the sink she was backed against and smashed it against the brunette’s head.

Carmilla, however, was possessed by an unrelenting anger and the blow didn’t faze her. It only caused her to turn with a cold glimmer in her eyes before jamming the knife into the base of Catherine’s throat.

Catherine tried to scream again but came out wet and muffled, blood spilling from her mouth. Carmilla pulled the knife out and shoved her to the ground, before straddling her stomach. Catherine struggled weakly, and Carmilla laughed. She brought the knife up and slammed it down into Catherine’s chest and repeated the action again and again.

Carmilla never felt more powerful, more in control than when she watched the life fade out of Catherine’s eyes.

* * *

 

The feeling faded quickly.

She shuffled away from her mother, seeming to come to her senses. She scooted away, until her back hit resistance.

“Oh my God…”

She was shaking violently, the full force of what she’d done slamming into her at once.

There was so much blood.

“Oh my god, what did I do what did I do what have I” her words cut off abruptly, startled at the sight of the door opening. For a moment she felt terrified at the thought of Will seeing what she’d done to her mother. To their mother.

In any other situation she would be shocked at who she saw standing in the doorway.

Laura Hollis looked like a deer in headlights, but Carmilla couldn’t really blame her. When the big brown doe eyes finished taking in the room, they settled on her. Carmilla’s mind was an ocean during a hurricane, and she found herself clinging to Laura’s eyes like she was a life ring.

The silence seemed to drag on forever before Laura broke it.

“Carmilla….what did you do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr is the same: badnewsinblackboots.tumblr.com if you have questions or anything  
> Danny and Kirsch will be introduced in the next chapter!


	3. Innocence Died Screaming

When Danny Lawrence arrived at the Karnstein Estate, a couple of news vans were already there. The second she got out of her car there were microphones shoved in her face.

“Is it true there’s been a murder?”

Danny had never been good with attention, and she shoved rudely by them.

An officer held the yellow crime scene tape up for her to duck under, and she met Kirsch by the front door.

“Have you been in yet?” she asked him.

“Not yet. LaF’s inside already. They say it’s bad. A lot of blood.” Kirsch tugged anxiously on his tie.

Danny fought a grin, “You still have an issue with that, Kirsch, really? We’re homicide detectives,”

He rolled his eyes, “Shut up, Lawrence. Come on.”

Kirsch opened the door for her and she walked in.

Kirsch wasn’t kidding. The second they walked in Lafontaine looked up from their camera and warned them to watch where they were going. The toe of Danny’s heel was inches away from flecks of blood after only a couple steps into the room.

“Jesus,” Kirsch whispered, running a hand through his hair.

Danny pressed her lips together and fought through the initial feelings that still accompanied her every time she walked into a crime scene. Horror, disgust, sadness. She’d made homicide detective a few years ago and it still hit her as hard as it did the first time. She just got better at hiding it.

Kirsch did okay at keeping his emotions in check, it was just the blood that got him.

They pulled their gloves on and LaF started filling them in.

“Catherine Karnstein, renowned businesswoman, was stabbed six times. Once in the shoulder, once in the neck and four times in the chest.” LaF aimed their camera at another series of blood spatters on one of the cabinets and a flash went off.

“She has two kids right?” Danny asked, “Where are they?”

An officer spoke up from where he was standing at the doorway, “Carmilla Karnstein is MIA and her brother Will is at the station. We found him down the street.”

“Has he said anything? Do we have any suspects?”

“Last I heard he wasn’t saying anything. He seemed like he was in shock.”

Danny glanced at Kirsch and he raised his eyebrows.

“You think it was the daughter?” He asked her.

Danny stepped further into the room toward Catherine’s body and crouched down next to her. She narrowed her eyes at the wound on her shoulder.

“The angle of the entry wounds on her shoulder and neck make me think that the attacker is shorter than her. If we can assume Carmilla is shorter than her mother, she could be a suspect.”

“She’s a seventeen year old girl,” LaF protested.

Danny met their eyes, “You got any better ideas?”

* * *

By the time the fog in Carmilla’s head began to clear, she realized she was in the passenger seat of a shitty car with Laura behind the wheel, zooming down a highway.

She looked down at her hands and was relieved to see that they were clean, absent of blood. She had a vague memory of Laura holding them under a stream of water from her sink, rubbing them until the blood washed down the drain.

She looked at her feet next, and saw a bag sitting between them. She thought next of sitting on her bed, the duffle bag open next to her and Laura hurriedly throwing her clothes into it.

It was pouring rain and she squinted into the darkness, looking for some clue as to where she was or where they were going. The exit signs were unfamiliar, and she fought with a sense of rising fear.

She looked to the girl next to her and attempted to re familiarize herself in an effort to calm herself down. Laura Hollis. Deceptively sweet, nice to everyone who was nice to her but had a low tolerance for bullshit. Laura was one of the few who genuinely cared about the people around her, so naturally they hadn’t gotten along too well in high school. She used to annoy Carmilla with her incessant do-gooder attitude, but she’s earned a grudging respect.

Carmilla remembered her general impression of the girl before she dropped off the face of the planet, but she struggled to remember anything specific. Apart from the last time she saw her at school, and the time she saw her again; flinging the door to her kitchen open and standing, horrified in the aftermath of the nightmare Carmilla had created for herself.

Laura swerved the car to avoid hitting a piece of debris in the road, and Carmilla was jerked into the present.

“What’s going on?”

Laura glanced at her before turning back to the road. Her eyes were wild and terrified.

“We’re…running away,”

“Why?”

“Because you..!” Laura’s voice had come out louder than she intended, and she caught herself, “they would’ve arrested you. You’d go to prison.”

“Why do you care what happens to me? We barely know each other.” Carmilla countered. Her voice was hoarse and she realized she was holding back tears.

There was a heavy pause while Laura thought, likely for the first time, about why she was helping. “It’s hard to put into words. I feel…connected to you. Something drew me into your house. I barely hesitated before rushing in to help,” she drew in a breath, “I recognized the look in your eyes. I understand what it feels like to be a victim.”

“You understand nothing. Not about my life, or what it’s taken for me to survive in it,” Carmilla snapped. When Laura was silent, she softened, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have—you’re helping me. I should be grateful.”

“She was hurting you though, right? And your brother? That’s why you did it?”

“I guess.”

“So it was self-defense?” 

There was no response. Just the rattling of the car’s engine.

“Carmilla.” Laura said, louder.

“Is that what it looked like, cupcake? Self-defense?”

Carmilla’s response had them both go quiet for the next several minutes. Laura broke the silence only when the sky started to lighten.

“The sun’s rising,” she said, more to herself than to the girl next to her.

At the break in the silence, a rush of questions surfaced in Carmilla’s mind.

“How did you get this car? Is it yours?”

In the growing light, Carmilla could see the blush rising in Laura’s cheeks, “Um no. I uh, stole it.”

The brunette barked out a laugh, “You? Steal a car? That’s hilarious, buttercup,”

Laura shot her a glare and Carmilla tried not to think about how her eyes looked like molten gold in the sunlight. 

“Then you’d find it hysterical to know that I robbed a convenience store last night. Not to mention I’m now an accomplice to murder.  You’re really in no position to judge, Carmilla.”

That shut her up for another several minutes.

When Carmilla opened her mouth again it was to ask where they were going.

“I don’t know…any suggestions?”

“I don’t care, as long as it’s far away from here.”

Laura sighed and after a moment, said, “I’ve always wanted to go to California,”

Carmilla kicked up her feet on the dashboard, “Fine with me.”

“You better buckle up then. It’s a long drive.”

* * *

 

After hours of pouring over the Karnstein case Danny finally gave into Kirsch’s incessant begging that they take a break.

“Coffee?” he suggested.

“Yeah, whatever,” Danny mumbled distractedly.

They left her office and got all the way to the elevator before Danny brought the case up again.

“It really looks like the daughter did it, doesn’t it?”

Kirsch sighed loudly, “You need to give your brain a break. You’re not helping anyone by overthinking it before we get all the results back.”

“Is that your solution to everything? Giving your brain a break? That’s not how this job works Kirsch,”

The elevator doors opened to the lobby and they exited.

“Hey, I’m just as good at this job as you are, babe,”

Danny’s hair flipped harshly over her shoulder when she leveled him with a look, “Don’t call me babe, dude,”

Kirsch opened the door to the precinct’s coffee house for her, “Then you don’t call me dude, dude!”

“I’ll call you whatever I want, asshole,”

“Dude,” Kirsch put a hand over his heart, offended.

“What’ll it be today?” The barista interrupted when they reached the front counter.

Danny ordered them for them both and Kirsch wandered over to an empty table by a window and slumped in chair. She joined him shortly and rolled her eyes at his exhausted, slouched appearance.

“Are you seriously this tired from using your brain for a few hours?”

“Um, we were up at the ass crack of dawn to get to that damn crime scene, of course I’m tired.”

“Right, speaking of,” Danny pulled a file out of her blazer.

Kirsch groaned so loud a couple of nearby officers looked up from their coffee to stare, “Are you serious, Lawrence? What kind of a break is this?”

“A productive one. Now, back to Carmilla. If someone else came in to their house to murder their mother, her and her brother would have fled the scene together. Why was Carmilla by herself? Why wouldn’t they have called the police?”

Kirsch sighed and reluctantly straightened up, “It’s a solid possibility, but we don’t have any solid evidence yet. Can we just consider for a moment that it was someone else? What was Catherine’s business reputation like?”

Danny flipped through the file to find an article she’d printed, “Not good,” she conceded, “reports say she was, well, a bitch,”

“See? A woman like Catherine has got to make enemies on the daily. When you have that much power in the business world, it’s inevitable. You know, especially when you’re a bitch,”

“I still want to look into Carmilla. Our best bet is to get Will Karnstein to talk, or analyze any forensic results the body might give us. Why don’t you go talk to the brother and I’ll go check on Lafontaine’s progress. We’ll meet and compare notes,”

“Yeah, yeah. Just let me finish my damn coffee,”

* * *

 

They drove for three hours in uncomfortable silence before the gaslight came on. Laura exited off the highway and pulled into a gas station.

“We’re already in Oregon,” she noted, opening her door, “I’ll be right back. Do you want anything?”

“Uh,” Carmilla hesitated, “Cookies?”

Laura grinned, “Perfect. You should wait in the car,”

The bell jingled when Laura opened the door and she tried to calm her nerves. It had only been a few hours, and she doubted the police had managed to connect her to the case yet. She’d been careful. She had no reason to be nervous.

She dumped two bags of cookies and a six pack of grape soda’s on the counter. She didn’t notice what was on the TV until the cashier told her the total.

_-Yes, that’s right, we have just received confirmation that CEO of Sheridan Incorporated, Catherine Karnstein, has been murdered._

Laura struggled to keep her hands steady as she counted out the dollars she pulled from her back pocket.

_The police are currently refusing to give out further information, but we do know that her son Will Karnstein is in police custody. Her daughter Carmilla Karnstein is missing, as we have just been informed._

A photo of Carmilla appeared on the screen.

_If you see her, police ask that you contact your local authorities-_

“Miss? _Miss,”_ Laura looked back down at the girl holding out her fist, “your change.”

Laura grabbed the coins and the bag of cookies and soda and walked quickly out.

She tossed the bag on Carmilla’s lap when she got back in the car.

Carmilla pulled out the bag of cookies and was fighting a grin as she ripped it open.

“They’re already looking for you. We have to be really careful,” Laura’s voice was panicked and her hands were shaking as she tried to start the car. Carmilla put the cookies down and grabbed her hand away from where she was struggling to get the key in the ignition.

“Cupcake, listen. You don’t have to do this. It’s not too late for you to get out of this. You can just get out of the car right now and catch a bus back to Seattle. Go back to your life.” Carmilla held Laura’s hand with both of her own and leaned forward to catch her eyes.

The panic was settling and Laura’s eyes hardened with determination. 

“I don’t’ have anything to go back to. I don’t have anyone,”

“Well…” Carmilla ventured “I suppose you have me now,”

A small smile pulled at Laura’s lips, and Carmilla’s lips quirked up in response.

Laura pulled her hand away and started the car again.

“Keep your head down when we pull up to a pump, just in case,” Laura commanded.

Carmilla rolled her eyes but obliged when Laura rolled down her window to hand the worker enough cash to fill up the tank.

After a few minutes they were back on the road with a full tank of gas, and the sun was high in the sky.

They started to relax more the farther they got away from Seattle. It certainly helped when they got far enough away that they stopped hearing Carmilla’s name every time they turned on the radio. The dilemmas didn’t start to pop up until Laura yawned and suddenly had no idea what they were going to do past the next few hours of driving.

“We sleep in the car,” was Carmilla’s first suggestion.

“Isn’t that illegal? What if a cop knocks on the window, then we’re done. What if I want to take a shower? Pee?” Laura’s voice was shrill by the time she said “pee”.

Carmilla waved her hand noncommittally, “Then we get a motel. Didn’t you rob a store?”

“Yes, a _convenience_ store. I got like 100 bucks. 40 of which I just spent on gas and snacks,”

“Oh,”

“So we have enough for one motel room tonight, and then what? What are we supposed to do for money?”

Carmilla tried to look disaffected and ignore the panic rising with Laura’s words. She joked, “I don’t know, rob a bank? I mean why not, right?”

She laughed, but the smile slipped off her face when Laura was silent, staring thoughtfully at the road.

“Laura. I’m joking,”

“No, you might be onto something,” Laura’s voice had changed from panicked to excited, and there was a smile growing on her face, “you’re right, why not? If we have any hope for a future, we need money. No one has to get hurt, and we’re already screwed if the police find us. Why not?”

Carmilla was sure there was a good reason to _not_ rob a bank but that reason was currently escaping her. When she failed to respond, Laura continued.

“It’s getting late. Let’s find a motel and we’ll talk about it more then, okay?”

Carmilla really wanted to protest, but she couldn’t think of a single word to support her reluctance.

Instead she sighed out, “Whatever, Hollis.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would've been up sooner if it weren't for...life.  
> Feel free to comment or ask something on tumblr if you have questions or comments!  
> Oh, and ch title is from Hozier's From Eden.


	4. No, You're No Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final moments of peace before the fun stuff starts. Carmilla is seductive (in a way that perhaps borders on inappropriate considering the circumstances) and the cupcake makes a cupcake pun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title as well as the main title comes from the song Monsters by Mree, my main inspiration for this fic.

_No, you're no monster (you're still afraid of the dark)_

* * *

 

Danny woke up to the sound of a hand slamming down on her desk next to her head.

“What the f—”

“Carmilla did it!” Kirsch yelled.

Danny rubbed her eyes, trying to wake herself up. She blinked up at Kirsch and processed what he’d said.

“I knew it!”

“Dude, did you sleep here? You’re wearing the same clothes.”

She flicked her eyes to the clock and saw it was 8:15a.m. She cursed under her breath and opened a drawer, pulling out fresh button up.

“Seriously?” Kirsch said, eyeing her emergency clothes drawer with his eyebrows raised.

Danny stood up and tuned around and started unbuttoning her current shirt, “Update me,”

“Um,” Danny could physically feel Kirsch staring at her back, “we, uh, Will talked. He said, and I quote, ‘Carmilla did it. I can’t believe she would do that’.”

Danny shrugged her shirt off and Kirsch continued after a beat, “It’s really sad, you know. He’s so young. To have seen something like that…”

She finished buttoning her new shirt and turned around to see him jerk his eyes up to meet her own. _Only Kirsch could check someone out while talking about a traumatized kid,_ Danny thought.

She ignored the heat climbing up her cheeks and said, “Good timing. I was up all night looking into her. She had a therapist, Lola Perry. I’ll call her in for questioning today. Carmilla’s on the loose out there, she’ll have to tell us what she knows so we can make sure she doesn’t kill anyone else,”

“Yeah, the kid is dangerous.”

* * *

 

Carmilla’s face was covered in frosting and Laura’s sides hurt from laughing. Their motel room was covered with soda cans and candy wrappers even though they’d only had it for a few hours. Laura had disappeared for a half hour and come back with her knapsack full of candy bars and a 12 pack of cupcakes and told Carmilla not to ask any questions.

Carmilla was starting to think robbing a convenience store wasn’t a one-time occurrence.

She’d been trying to flesh out an actual plan for the ridiculous bank robbing ordeal Laura roped her into, sitting cross legged on the bed surrounded by crumpled up papers, when Laura came back. She’d offered her a cupcake and Carmilla _jokingly_ opened her mouth without looking up and certainly didn’t expect Laura to shove the entire cupcake onto her face, _top first._

Laura looked nervous that she’d crossed a line for about half a second before she busted out laughing when Carmilla gave her the strongest glare she could muster up. The pink frosting beard must’ve diminished the impact her glare normally gave.

She was extremely intimidating under normal circumstances. Truly.

Laura was now trying to speak between fits of laughter, “Try not to look so-” more laughing “so,” gasping for air “ _frosty!”_

The dark haired girl almost, _almost_ cracked a smile at how hilarious Laura seemed to think this was. It was impossible not to think that she was a little cute.

This was unacceptable.

Carmilla surged forward, grabbing the smaller girl by the arms and pushing her down on the bed. She climbed on top her and leaned down slowly. Laura stopped laughing immediately. Her gaze appeared to have a stronger impact when it was inches away from Laura’s face. Carmilla filed that information away for future reference and allowed herself a moment of triumph before closing the distance.

She pressed her jaw against Laura’s cheek and dragged her face down to her neck, effectively smearing frosting all over her. Carmilla pulled back a bit to admire her work, her dark hair falling over her shoulders and brushing over Laura’s face. The girl was pouting and Carmilla reached up, grabbed another cupcake and gently mushed it against Laura’s other cheek. She cackled manically when Laura shrieked indignantly.

She allowed Laura to shove her off and she fell flat on her back next to her. Carmilla’s laugh turned from evil to genuine.

“That bunched up little face you make when you’re angry is _hilarious,_ buttercup,”

Laura sat up and glared down at her, “I wonder how hilarious it’ll be when I make you sleep on the floor tonight!”

Carmilla scoffed.

“Think I won’t?” Laura challenged.

Carmilla smirked, “If you didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me you would’ve got a room with two beds,”

She was really beginning to love making Laura blush.

“That’s not why-! You know I only got a room with one bed because it was cheaper!”

Carmilla knew that, but it was so fun to rile her up.

Laura got up in a huff and headed towards the bathroom. Carmilla shot up and slid in front of her, blocking her from leaving.

“Woah, woah, woah where do you think you’re going?”

“To take a shower and get all this stuff off my face!” Laura was inches away from Carmilla’s face.

The brunette rested one hand on the doorway and with the other reached out and scooped a line of frosting off Laura’s face with an index finger. She sucked on her finger slowly, and Laura’s eyes were glued to the action. She pulled her finger out with a wet _pop_ and noted with a smirk that Laura’s eyes remained on her mouth.

Laura’s eyes which were noticeably darker than they were a few minutes ago.

“I don’t think so,” Carmilla murmured lowly, “You started this. I’ll be taking that shower first.”

The shorter girl snapped out of her haze enough to open her mouth to protest, but Carmilla cut her off.

“Unless you want to join me,” she raised an eyebrow suggestively before turning and walking into the bathroom. Laura lips were parted in shock when the door slammed in her face.

Carmilla didn’t lock the door, but she knew Laura wasn’t near ballsy enough to take her up on that offer.

Not yet, anyway.

* * *

 

Lola Perry looked so out of her element in the interrogation room Danny was really struggling to keep a straight face.

Her blue eyes were wide and flickering rapidly between Kirsch and Danny; Kirsch who was sitting with his hands clasped on the table and his head tilted sympathetically and Danny, who was standing with her arms crossed, trying her best to look _unsympathetic._

Danny and Kirsch were big fans of the good cop/bad cop act. If you could even call it an act. Coworkers would argue that it was just their personalities.

“Now, remember miss Perry, this isn’t an interrogation, we just really need your help on this problem we’re having,” Kirsch smiled and patted one of Perry’s hands.

She jumped at the contact, “Perry. It’s just Perry,”

“Right, Perry, I’m gonna need you to tell me everything you know about the suspect, like, yesterday,” Danny snapped, stalking closer to the table.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Kirsch said with an encouraging smile.

“Carmilla. Her name is Carmilla. Not _the suspect,_ ” Perry pressed her lips together and stared hard at Danny.

“Right. Carmilla Karnstein, daughter of Catherine Karnstein, who she murdered,” Danny emphasized.

Perry blinked rapidly and dropped her eyes, appearing to struggle with what Danny was saying.  

“I find it very difficult to believe that Carmilla would do what you're telling me she did. She had some anger problems, yes, but I can hardly believe she would-“

“Anger problems? Anger problems?!” Perry’s eyes shot back up to Danny when she raised her voice.

Kirsch cleared his throat, and Perry looked back at him, “Right, it would be super cool if you could tell us more about these anger problems,”

“This is a police investigation. Our number one suspect is on the loose and lives are in danger as long as she is out of custody. You’re required by law to-”

Perry cut Danny off, “Fine! Okay. Yes, Carmilla had some anger issues. But we were working on them, she was eager to work on them. I never had a reason to believe that she would…that she was capable of…”

Kirsch reached for her hand again and gave it a soft squeeze. When she looked up, he smiled encouragingly at her.

“Go on, it’s ok. You’re helping a lot already,”

Danny rolled her eyes. Kirsch was so sweet it was gross sometimes.

Perry took a deep breath and then continued, “Carmilla is a sweet girl, despite her problems. She loves her brother more than anything in the world and she’d do anything to protect him,”

“Anything?” Danny interrupted, “Would you say she’d kill for him?”

Perry frowned and opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by the door swinging open.

A third redhead came bustling in. Lafontaine rushed over to Perry and bent down next to her to meet her eyes

“Perr, are you okay?”

Perry nodded and patted Laf on the shoulder.

Getting confirmation that Perry was okay, Lafontaine glared at the two detectives.

“What the hell do you think you guys are doing? Questioning Perry like she’s some kind of criminal? She’s a therapist for God’s sake!” Lafontaine stood up and placed an arm protectively around Perry’s shoulder.

Kirsch looked like he’d just swallowed his own tongue so Danny was left to try to defend their actions. “LaF, she may have vital information about the Karnstein case, we had to at least talk to her, see what she knows,”

“Then do it over coffee!”

“There are lives at stake!” Danny gestured her arms wildly.

“Save lives over coffee!” LaF was unrelenting when it came to their girlfriend.

“Guys! Guys!” Perry shouted. LaF and Danny both turned to look at her, “A lot of problems can be solved by good communication. Why don’t we all just sit down and talk about this like adults?”

LaF was still frowning. “Not in here. This little interrogation stunt is over,”

“Fine, okay we’ve wasted enough time arguing,” Danny yanked the door open, “Let’s just go back to my office and finish this in there,”

LaF still had their eyes narrowed suspiciously and Kirsch regained the use of his mouth, “Dude, come on. We can’t literally do this over coffee. We gotta keep it on the DL,”

“Detective Kirsch is right, sweety, let’s go,” Perry stood up, grabbed LaF’s’ arm and guided them out the door Danny was holding open.

Kirsch was grinning as he passed the taller redhead.

“You have to stop grinning like that whenever someone calls you Detective Kirsch,” she said, “It’s so not cool,”

“I can’t help but appreciate it when it happens. It’s not like my actual colleagues ever do it,”

“Valid point, Popped Collar,” she replied, falling into step next to him.

He elbowed her gently in the side, and she was grinning when she punched his arm.

* * *

 

While Laura was in the shower Carmilla finally got the chance to look through what the girl had packed for her while she was…out of sorts.

She was pleased to find that most of her favorite clothes were there, including her leather pants, boots, and all of her best see through shirts. The girl had even packed underwear, socks and her toothbrush. Laura was incredibly thorough, and Carmilla was grateful.

If it weren’t for the overzealous cupcake, she’d be behind bars right now. Or a padded room. She wasn’t sure which was worse.

She pulled on an oversized T shirt and panties and was digging for a pair of shorts when Laura came out of the bathroom.

She paused for a second at the sight of a half-dressed girl before; “You used _all_ the hot water! And you already made a mess of the bathroom! You used it one time, how is that possible,”

“I can’t reveal all my secrets, cutie,” Carmilla grinned, and Laura looked at her like she was crazy. Which she probably was, but, you know.

“Did you pack any shorts?” she continued when Laura did nothing but blush and stare angrily at her legs.

“What? Uh, no, I was kind of in a rush,” Laura slowly dragged her eyes up to Carmilla’s face to find that she was smirking.

“If you wanted to get me out of my pants, all you had to do was ask,”

Laura made an unintelligible noise of protest before taking a deep breath and making a clear effort at speaking calmly, “Will you just turn around so I can get dressed? Please,”

Laura relaxed when the other girl dropped the infuriating smirk, climbed into bed and rolled away from her without argument.

Carmilla laid with her eyes closed until the lights shut off. Before the other girl could get into bed, she called out.

“Wait. Can you leave the bathroom light on?”

She only hesitated for a moment before flipping the light back on and sliding into bed.

“Thanks,” Carmilla said, so quietly Laura almost missed it.

It was quiet and Carmilla could practically feel the girl struggling to say something.

“Laura, what is it?”

“I was just going to say…I wanted to turn the light on anyway. I was embarrassed.”

Carmilla stared at her profile for a long time.

Laura was almost asleep when she heard the words.

“You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. It’s just me and you now.”

 _It’s just me and you now._ It was the most authentic thing Carmilla had said since they met.

 _Just me and you._ It was more than Laura had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I'm a fan of canon quotes


	5. Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of a long road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings would be use of guns, violence, blood

Laura Hollis was full of surprises. Every minute they spent together, that fact became more evident to Carmilla. After just a day and a half together, she learned that Laura didn’t react to horrifying situations the way normal people should; with horror. Laura had seen her at her worst, she’d seen her sitting in the ruins of the worst act of violence she was capable of committing and didn’t shy away. Instead, she stepped over the pool of blood and guided Carmilla out of the wreckage. 

She learned that Laura couldn’t sleep in total darkness either. The darkness could breathe life and color into memories that could be overlooked during the daylight’s distractions. Laura was an orphan, she had lived on the streets and knew how to survive in a world that works against her. Carmilla could assume that her companion had stolen more than once, held people at “gunpoint”. She was ballsier than she appeared.

It was possible Carmilla concluded too early that Laura could never understand her. In fact, if there was anyone in this world that stood a chance, it was probably her. Laura had found her in the darkness, and now Carmilla was hoping that once her eyes adjusted she wouldn’t run away.

Besides, she was still at a loss trying to understand Laura herself. Just when she thought she had her figured out, the girl got it in her head that they needed a _gun._

A real gun, not the painted water gun Carmilla found in her bag and teased her mercilessly over. She apparently “knew a guy” that lived in Portland and was likely to have access to what they needed.

“His name is JP. I knew him in foster care and we kept in touch after I was adopted,” Laura explained. Carmilla was trailing behind her, being led through a dark alley in a sketchy apartment complex. “He wasn’t so lucky. He never had a real family. He bounced around from foster families before ending up here. When he turned 18 the system spat him out and he ended up on the streets.”

She turned a corner and Carmilla followed her up a flight of stairs, “He has an apartment now, though?”

“Yeah, he fell in with a group of drug dealers and he’s living with them now. According to his last letter anyway. This is where the return address was,”

They came to a stop in front of the door to apartment 216. Laura knocked and Carmilla leaned against the railing opposite the door with her arms folded and her eyes narrowed. She wasn’t good at meeting new people. Especially drug dealers.

The door swung open and Carmilla dropped the glare and rose an eyebrow in surprise. JP was…not what she’d visualized.

“Laura!” JP was definitely happy to see her. Laura threw her arms around his neck and his wound tightly around her waist. Carmilla got over her surprise and resumed her glare.

JP was…not your typical drug dealer. He was a nerd. Scrawny, big wire rimmed glasses and brown hair combed neatly to the side. He was wearing a dark t shirt and jeans, and the contrast made his pasty skin almost blinding to look at. Carmilla couldn’t imagine trying to look at him in direct sunlight.

When Laura pulled away, JP’s eyes settled on Carmilla.

“Who’s this?” he asked, eyeing her up and down.

“Oh, right,” Laura held out a hand and Carmilla stepped closer. Laura grabbed her arm and pulled her another step towards him, “JP, this is Carmilla. Carmilla—”

“JP,” Carmilla interjected, “Right. I heard,”

“Um, nice to meet you,” JP held out his hand and Carmilla made no move to shake it.

There was a heavy moment of silence in which JP struggled to maintain eye contact with Carmilla’s unsettling stare, before he dropped his hand and his eyes and motioned for them to come in. Carmilla went in first, but not without seeing Laura’s apologetic look to the nerd.

The apartment was small but meticulously clean. Everything in it looked like it was found at a garage sale, from the broken down couch to the tiny TV. It was probably the smallest place someone lived in that Carmilla had been in, thanks to her cushy upbringing.

“Have a seat, please,” JP said, walking Laura over to the couch. She sat on it and he took a seat in the armchair next to it, turning it to face her. Carmilla wandered over to the couch and stood stiffly next to Laura, close to the door.

Laura looked up at her and touched her forearm, “Sit down, Carm,”

Carmilla grumbled and perched lightly on the arm of the couch, so her forearm was pressed against Laura’s bicep. Laura hooked her hand around Carmilla’s elbow to pull her closer.

Carmilla ignored the flutter in her stomach so she could maintain her steady stare at JP. JP, whose eyes were flickering in between the two girls with a smirk pulling at his lips.

“So,” he began, “What brings you to Portland, Laura? I haven’t seen you since I left Seattle,”

Laura’s hand tightened on her elbow when she spoke, “Well, it’s probably better that you don’t know,”

JP leaned back in his chair, “Ok, I trust you. What do you need, then?”

“Your help,” Laura said at the same time Carmilla said “A gun,”

Laura turned to stare at her and Carmilla met her eyes briefly and shrugged.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“You need a gun?” JP barked out a laugh, “Seriously, Laura?”

Laura looked back to him, “Yeah, JP, seriously. Are you going to help us or not?”

“I don’t know…” the smile fell from JP’s face as he realized how serious they were. Carmilla watched him shrink under the combined force of their stares.

“You know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need it, JP,” Laura’s voice was stern and Carmilla could see JP was going to give in. Laura was really fun to intimidate people with. Another surprise.

He couldn’t seem to decide which of them was less intimidating to look at. He was looking at his feet when he said, “You got money?”

“No,” Laura said bluntly.

“What? Laura come on, give me something to work with here,”

“Okay, how about this; when have I ever asked you for anything? We’ve known each other nearly all our lives, can’t you do me this one favor?”

JP sighed.

“Come on,” Laura pressed, “think of it as a loan. We’ll be able to pay you back soon,”

“Fine. Yeah, okay. God, you can be convincing when you want to be, Hollis,” he stood up and walked past the couch, “Follow me,”

They got up and followed JP to a back room. They squeezed into a laundry room where he opened a cabinet. The door swinging open forced Laura to step back into Carmilla, standing close behind her. Laura jumped slightly at the contact and Carmilla grabbed her arms to steady her.

“Watch it, cupcake,” she murmured in her ear. Carmilla kept her hands on her arms and Laura made no attempt to move away once there was room to do so.

“We have a 9 millimeter pistol, .40 caliber glock, Desert Eagle .50 Cal, a glock 26. A couple of Smith & Wesson pistols,”

“Jesus,” Carmilla muttered. It was all gibberish to her, but damn, the dweeb had a lot of guns. She leaned forward to get a better look, pressing harder against Laura. She was pretty sure the smaller girl had stopped breathing, and she fought a smile.

JP leaned back against the washing machine and Laura finally stepped away from her. Carmilla’s hands dropped to her sides and she smirked when she saw how hard Laura was blushing.

“Um, I don’t really know anything about guns. Carmilla?”

She shook her head.

“Okay. JP, which one do you think is best for beginners?”  

He tapped his chin with his fingers while he thought, “Probably the Glock 26. You’d like that one, I think,”

He pointed to it.

“Aw, it’s kind of cute,”

Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“Alright, we’ll go with a couple of the…Glooks?”

Carmilla laughed so loudly that Laura looked at her in surprise. She looked so surprised at her laugh that she didn’t seem to care it was her Carmilla was laughing at.

“It’s called a Glock, Laura,” JP said through a grin, “But what do you mean a couple?”

“Well, two would be nice,”

JP’s smile fell again and he stared at her, “Laura…”

_Laura, Laura, Laura_ Carmilla thought, her smile quickly turned into a sneer, _the dweeb is really fond of saying her name._

“You’re willing to give us one. Why is two such a big deal?”

Carmilla’s eyes were blazing on him yet again, so hot he only had to look at her once before he rolled his own and caved again.

“Jesus, fine.”

* * *

 

JP spent the rest of the afternoon teaching them how to use the guns. Carmilla was impressed that he only asked what the guns were actually for a few times.

They didn’t want to spend the time it would take to drive out to a secluded area to actually fire the guns, so JP ended up having them load and unload, and showing them how to aim properly. Carmilla caught on quickly and JP called it “natural talent”, a compliment she refused to acknowledge with a thank you.

Laura’s hands would shake every time she picked one up. She kept dropping the bullets when she tried to load them into the clip, and when she tried to aim the gun, her shaking made it impossible to aim properly.

They’d been at it for over two hours and Laura was trying to aim steadily at the beer can JP set on top of the TV. It seemed like her hands shook harder the longer she held it. She couldn’t help it, holding something that had the power to actually _kill_ someone was nerve wracking.

“Calm down, Hollis,” Carmilla said softly in her ear. She was so close Laura could feel her breath on ear when she spoke, which was not helping with the whole calming down thing.

Carmilla had a strange effect on her, one she’d never experienced before. The first day they spent together, she assumed it was fear or discomfort because of what she knew about the other girl. That theory died after the night they spend together, when the cracks in front Carmilla presented shined light on who she really was. Carmilla wasn’t a monster. Laura thought of her more like an animal that had been backed into a corner, and struck out through fear. Like a big cat with no choice but to fight her way out of her caged existence. Laura knew after that night that she could no longer pin whatever Carmilla made her feel on fear. It was something else entirely.

It hard to ignore when Carmilla was sleeping next to her in a t shirt and panties, and somehow made impossibly more difficult to remain unaffected when she saw what she was wearing today. Despite the fact that Laura had packed plenty of Carmilla’s _own_ shirts, she still apparently felt the need to steal one of Laura’s own. Her red flannel looked so good on Carmilla she couldn’t bring herself to complain or ask for it back.

She continued talking, and shifted closer so her knee pressed lightly against her thigh, “Don’t think about the fact that you’re holding a weapon in your hands. Clear your mind and focus only on the target. Or, just focus on something else,”

Carmilla’s hand slipped onto her knee, and Laura could feel her eyes trained steadily on her face. It had the desired effect; her mind went blank, and all that existed in that moment was the target and Carmilla’s hand on her knee.

The gun stopped shaking and steadied on the target.

“ _Bang,”_ Carmilla whispered and Laura could hear the smile in her voice. She lowered the gun onto her lap and met her eyes.

Laura let out a breathy laugh at the small smile on her friend’s face and dropped her eyes to her lap.

“I think you’re ready, sweetheart,”

Laura brought her eyes back to Carmilla’s and got lost there until JP cleared his throat.

“Right, which may be so, but loading and aiming is the easy part. Finding it in yourself to pull the trigger is another story,” JP was saying. Laura watched Carmilla turn her head to watch him talk, watched as the smile fell from her face and any trace of softness left her eyes.

“Anyway, um Laura?” JP was apparently still talking. She dragged her eyes away from Carmilla’s profile to bring her attention back to her friend. Her dear friend, who she hadn’t seen in years and should really be more concerned with looking at.

“One of my roommates is going to be back any minute, so unless you feel like trying to explain, or _not_ explain yourselves to a much larger and scarier drug dealer…”

“Okay, yeah. We should be going,” The second the words left Laura’s mouth, Carmilla was up and standing by the door.

“I’ll wait outside,” she opened the door and tossed a “thanks, nerd,” over her shoulder before it slammed shut behind her.

JP was loading the guns into a duffle bag a long with a few rounds of bullets. Laura had no intention of actually shooting anyone, but Carmilla had insisted they get bullets just in case. In Laura’s opinion, the only reason they were even getting real guns was on the off chance someone could tell her fake gun was harmless.

“Thanks again, JP,” She got up and walked over to where he was standing.

He zipped up the bag and turned to her, “Still no chance of you telling me what these are for? Or why you’re here? Or, you know, who your little travel buddy is?”

Laura wished she could, but; “It’s better for you that you don’t know. And I don’t think you want to know, honestly,”

He sighed and held out his arms. She gave him a tiny smile and walked into them, wrapping her arms around his waist when his settled around her shoulders. “It was good to see you, Hollis. Good luck with whatever the fuck you’re doing,”

“Thank you,” she tried to convey how grateful she really was in the two words. She felt incredibly lucky to have a friend like him.

They parted and she had a hand on the door when he called out, “She’s into you. You know that right?”

She laughed, “Who, Carmilla?”

“Yes, short, pale and broody has got it bad for you,”

She swung the door open, “Yeah right. You’re funny JP!”

“You know I’m right!” He yelled, right before she shut the door.

Carmilla was waiting for her with a raised eyebrow, “What was that about?”

Laura opened her mouth to tell her but suddenly felt too embarrassed to voice JP’s wild assumption. She opted instead for, “Just JP being ridiculous. Don’t worry about it,”

“Whatever you say, buttercup,”

* * *

 

The bank they were sitting in front of was about an hour outside of Portland. Looking at it now, Carmilla knew it was the perfect target. Laura chose well.

After picking up the guns they spent the rest of the previous day choosing a target and running through the plan. Laura found a bank that was small, relatively remote and close to a freeway. She assured Carmilla that they wouldn’t be able to find a better target, and if they stood a chance at succeeding this was their best bet.

“I can’t believe we’re about to do this,” Laura said, and Carmilla couldn’t tell if she was suggesting she was terrified or exhilarated, “Are you ready?”

“I’m not sure it’s possible to be ready for something like this. This is insane,” Carmilla’s hands were the ones that were shaking now.

“What other choice do we have?” Laura said, and Carmilla though how odd it was that the girl had never seemed more sure of herself than she did right now. Moments before entering a life or death situation. Anything could happen in there.

And she was right. Carmilla’s only other option was turning herself in and spending life in prison. They couldn’t go anywhere without money, they couldn’t hide or get much farther. The only way to get money was to steal it. And she would rather do it once, get enough money to be set, than to rob gas stations all the way down the west coast and live on a hundred or so dollars at a time.

This was their best option. Laura desperately didn’t want anyone to get hurt, and had insisted they didn’t load their guns. She had said, “we either get what we want and hurt no one, or we go down peacefully. I can’t live with running the risk of killing someone over money,”

Carmilla disagreed. _What better reason is there for hurting others? This is our lives we’re fighting for._ She didn’t voice her opinion. Instead, she had loaded the guns and told Laura she didn’t. It was because of Laura she decided she wanted a life. She’d gone too far for her freedom to start getting compassionate now. They were getting this money one way or another, and hopefully Laura wouldn’t have to find out that the guns were loaded.

“You’re right. Okay, let’s do this.”

They consecutively pulled two of Carmilla’s black beanies with eye holes cut into them (much to her disdain) over their faces and exited the car. They were parked in an alley behind the bank. The sun had just set, and the night that normally brought Carmilla comfort had her on edge. Laura was walking ahead of her, her pace quick and utterly lacking in hesitation. They pulled their guns out and Laura shoulder checked the door open, _hard_ , and Carmilla followed closely behind her. There was a cold, familiar feeling creeping into her chest.

“Everyone stop where you are and put your hands in the air!”

“Oh, Jesus,” Carmilla whispered. Laura was doing the stupid attempt at lowering her voice to sound like a man. They had argued over it earlier, and had agreed, or so she’d thought, that they wouldn’t do it.

Carmilla swept her eyes over the bank. They were lucky, there were only two employees and three customers in the store. The security guard was expected, and it was Carmilla’s job to handle him while Laura got the money.

“You, hands in the air and get back against the wall,” Carmilla barked, “Don’t move a fucking muscle or I’ll blow your head off, understand?”

The guard was younger than Carmilla had imagined. He didn’t look a day over 21, his hair chopped short and was easily a foot taller than her. She’d guess that he was new to the job, and judging by the sweat at his temple and the terror in her eyes this was the last thing he expected to deal with so early on in his career.

The gun was aimed steadily at his head. She spared a quick glance at Laura’s progress to see she had the two customers and one employee with their hands up and backs pressed against the front of the counter. The other employee, a man who looked to be in his fifties, had a gun pressed to the back of his head and was being pushed towards the back by Laura.

“Watch them until I’m back!” Laura called to her, before disappearing around the corner.

She stepped closer to the guard and grabbed him by the front of his shirt collar, pressing the barrel of the gun between his eyes. She yanked him harshly to the left and guided him to where the other four were standing.

“No one move a muscle and we won’t have a problem,” Her voice was cold, utterly lacking in emotion. Carmilla thought, distantly, that she’d sounded this way once before.

She stared at the faces of the people she was holding at gunpoint and willed herself to feel something. The emptiness that had returned to her chest was unsettling. There was a woman, thirty or so, with mascara running down her cheeks as she cried silently. Her eyes were shut and her lips were trembling; scared for her life.

The woman next to her was significantly older, grey in her hair and wrinkles at her mouth and eyes. This woman was looking straight at her, angry. The hatred in her eyes meant nothing to Carmilla. The man next to her must’ve been her husband. They’d been standing together when she entered and were close in age. The old man had sweat stains under his arms, his fear on display as he held his hands in the air. He was old enough that his arms were shaking, likely from the exertion of holding them up.

The last woman was the second employee, probably the youngest one there. Carmilla figured Laura chose the man to haul to the back because this girl looked like she was easily traumatized. She must’ve been an assistant, she couldn’t have been older than 20. Her eyes were wide and frozen, unblinking on Carmilla. If Carmilla could feel anything in that moment for any one of them, it would’ve been her.

“You’ve got what you want, please leave us alone,” Laura had reemerged from the back, the duffle bag on her shoulder full. The gun was still pointed at the older employees head.

“Join everyone else against the counter,” Laura was still trying to disguise her voice. She sounded ridiculous, and because of her height she was straining to even touch the gun to the back of the man’s head, but it was still effective. He complied.

Carmilla seemed to temporarily forget she was holding people hostage while she stared at Laura, and felt a twinge of relief in her chest. The feeling was a relief in itself, a reminder that she wasn’t empty.

“No! Look out!” Laura yelled, and Carmilla whipped her head forward too late. The security guard was charging at her, playing hero. Before she could react, he tackled her to the stone tile floor. Her head smacked against the floor and she cried out. He had her hands pinned above her head and it felt like the world was spinning.

“No way am I letting two fucking girls get the best of me,” He yelled, his breath hot on her face.

She blinked rapidly and tried to regain her senses, “L, shoot him!”

“What—but we—” Laura’s voice was sharp and panicked.

“Just trust me! Now!”

_Bang!_

Carmilla jumped at the sound, much louder than she’d ever imagined, and the guard slumped on top of her. One of the women screamed. Carmilla felt wetness seeping into her shirt and shook herself from her daze enough to shove him off of her.

She grabbed her gun from where it fell and scrambled to her feet.

Laura was staring in horror at the man on the floor.

“Come on, come on, we need to go,” Carmilla grabbed her arm and started pulling her towards the exit. She spared a glance at the guard to see that he was still alive and blinking hard at the celling, but was lying in a significant amount of his own blood.

She ran with Laura to the car and flung herself into the passenger seat. Laura threw the duffel in the back, quickly got the car started and they peeled out of the alley just when they started to hear sirens in the distance. Laura ripped the beanie off and Carmilla followed suit.

“Fuck,” Carmilla hissed, and Laura only stepped harder on the gas. They pulled onto the busy freeway and could just see cop cars pulling into the lot of the bank in the review mirror. In minutes the flashing lights were out of sight.

“Oh my god, we did it,” Carmilla reached into the back and unzipped the bag, filled with stacks of money. She looked at Laura, whose knuckles were white on the steering wheel and was looking hard at the road in front of them, “Are you okay?”

“You loaded the guns,” Laura said quietly, “You promised no one would get hurt,”

“ _I_ got hurt,” Carmilla protested, “It was the only option,”

“You lied to me!” Laura snapped. It was the angriest Carmilla had heard her.

“I saved us! We’d be in handcuffs right now if it weren’t for what I did. Our plan worked!”

Laura looked away from the road to pin her with a look so hard it felt like a kick to the chest.

“At what cost, Carmilla?”

Laura looked so upset with her, it took Carmilla a moment to formulate a response, “He-he was alive when we left. You may not have killed him. And you did it to save me-to save us. Isn’t that a worthy cause?”

Carmilla reached for her shoulder, “Don’t touch me. Just shut up, Carmilla. I can’t listen to you right now.”

She dropped her hand and shut her mouth. Laura would come around eventually. They didn’t have another choice, and Laura had saved them both. She had to understand that once she cooled down.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think!   
> I might not be able to update for a week or so, but I'll work on it.


	6. To Freeze or to Thaw

They met up with JP an hour outside of town after the robbery to pay him back for the guns. Laura hadn’t said a word to Carmilla since telling her to shut up, and Carmilla was doing her best to pretend it didn’t bother her. The rush from the heist had died down and she just felt…drained. And every time she looked at Laura and the hardness in her eyes she felt even lower. They’d robbed a bank and gotten away with it, Carmilla had fought tooth and nail to get her chance at a fresh start and she felt sick.

JP seemed to sense the tension between them, and Carmilla didn’t know if it made her feel better or worse that Laura didn’t even brighten up at seeing her long lost friend once more before they left Oregon for good.

They met him outside of a rustic diner only a mile away from a freeway exit. He squeezed Laura’s shoulder when he saw them and gave Carmilla a curt nod. She couldn’t even meet his eyes and hated the hot feeling in her chest, hated that Laura was making her feel like a dog that pissed on the rug.

“Shall we?” JP said, the door chiming when he opened it for them.

Laura walked in without looking to see if she’d follow and JP stared expectantly at her.

“I’m just gonna wait out here,” she mumbled, and wandered away from him towards the gas station across the street. She was shivering without her sweatshirt-they’d gotten rid of it because of the blood. It was getting late and she was freezing her ass of but she wasn't going to make herself feel more like a scorned dog by waiting in the cold by the door for her owner.

Her jaw was tight in a way that used to warrant in her popping some pills for the stress, but that didn't seem like a viable option in her current situation. Instead she undid the top buttons on her-well, Laura’s-flannel and sauntered up to the cashier. A middle aged man, easy.

She propped a hip against the counter, plucked a lighter from the display and put it on the counter, before she ran her fingers lightly against the edge.

She smirked at the man, “Hey-,” her eyes flickered to his name tag, “Mark. A pack of American Spirits?”

His eyes traveled up from her fingers on the counter and didn't even make it to her face. “Sure thing miss,” He turned to the cabinet behind him.

“Blue, please,”

She laid out two five’s on the counter and the second he handed her the cigarettes she turned and left, smirk dropping immediately. She started smoking occasionally when she was sixteen and by the time she was seventeen she’d mastered the ability to get cigarettes without being carded for them. She’d just turned eighteen a month ago but her card had been left at home.

It had been months since her last cigarette, and she was mildly surprised that the first drag burned like it had the first time she smoked. She wasn't exactly addicted, but she liked giving herself something else to focus on when she felt like the walls were closing in. The rhythmic motions, the breathing in deep and slow exhales, flicking the ash. Going through the motions was what calmed her more than the nicotine.

She leaned against the hood of their car, the rusty metal creaking when she put weight on it, and waited for Laura and JP to finish. She could see them in the booth by the window, and found herself watching Laura more than anything else. She looked smaller, somehow; her shoulders were slumped and her face was pale, her eyes fixed on her hands instead of her friend. Carmilla didn't think she had anything to feel guilty about, but it was hard not to feel something when Laura looked like she was struggling to stay upright under a weight that Carmilla had placed on her shoulders.

The both of them seemed solemn. The waitress dropped off what looked like two coffees and a check, and Laura didn’t look up or acknowledge her. She’d only known Laura a couple days but she didn't seem like the type of person to be anything other than overly nice to servers. She took a tiny sip of her coffee, the only move she’d made since Carmilla settled in to watch, before placing her hands flat on top of the table again. JP reached across to lay a hand on top of hers, and Laura yanked hers away like she’d been burned. 

He leaned down to catch her eyes and she turned her head away, and it looked like her shoulders were trembling. Carmilla was suddenly grappling with an absurd desire to rush to Laura’s side, wrap her arm around her and whisper, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please forgive me,”

She took an especially long drag and blew out enough smoke to obscure Laura from view for a moment, and told herself the burning behind her eyes was from the toxic smoke. When it cleared, JP was standing. He slapped something down on the table and stormed out of the diner.

He was heading right for her. Carmilla pushed off the car to stand up straight and widened her stance the way she does before a confrontation.

“What the fuck did you do to her?” his voice boomed, shockingly loud for someone with such a scrawny chest.

She literally blew smoke out of her nose. It burned like a motherfucker but she liked the effect, “None of your business,”

He shoved her hard and the back of her thighs slammed into the front of the car. The twerp actually had the nerve to shove _her?_ Was he on something? Laura was rushing out of the diner, Carmilla noted over his shoulder before stepping close and tilting her chin to maintain eye contact.

“Touch me again,” She whispered, her voice going cold in a way she was learning could really terrify people, “and I’ll kill you.”

She had a second to watch the fear flicker into his eyes before Laura was in between them, shoving him just as hard as he’d shoved her.

“Did you just shove her? What the hell is wrong with you?” Laura didn’t raise her voice, but it spiked to a higher pitch the way it did when she was deeply offended by something. Carmilla quirked an eyebrow, surprised Laura cared enough to come to her rescue.

“Laura-” he started, but Laura turned and headed to the driver’s side before he could finish his excuse. She yanked the door open and hesitated before getting in.

“I don’t need your protection anymore, okay? I can make my own decisions.”

Laura got into the car and slammed the door, probably not before seeing the hurt, kicked puppy look on JP’s face.

Carmilla stamped out her cigarette and glared at him a moment longer until the engine started. She decided not to push her luck by seeing if Laura would wait for her to get in a final jab at JP and hopped into the passenger side. Laura floored it out of the parking lot, leaving the last piece of her past standing, staring forlornly after her.

“Uh, listen, thanks,” Carmilla started hesitantly, “not that I couldn’t have taken the pipsqueak but..”

Laura was silent, and she figured it was more encouraging than, “fuck off,” so she continued.

“What’d you guys talk about?”

Laura stayed quiet long enough for Carmilla to wonder if she was going to bother answering before she said, “I paid him for the guns. He gave me the name of someone who can hook us up with fake IDs.”

“Oh yeah?” Carmilla said, actually making an attempt to keep the conversation going. Which she didn’t normally bother doing.

“Yeah. She lives about three and a half hours from here, in Northern California. A town called Weed, apparently,”

Carmilla’s lips quirked up, “Fitting. Do we get to choose our new names?”

Laura decided, evidently, that she was done talking and didn’t respond. There was ten solid minutes of silence before Laura rolled down the passenger window. Carmilla shivered immediately.

“Jesus, creampuff, I’m freezing,” she started to roll the window up and stopped when Laura shot her a look.

“Think about that next time you smoke before getting in the car with me. I can’t stand the smell,”

Carmilla would’ve protested but she was on thin ice already. She found herself fighting to ignore more thoughts about how _she never sensors herself for the sake of someone else’s opinion of her_ and what that meant about how she felt about Laura. Instead she slumped into the seat, popped her collar and folder her arms tightly against herself.

Laura wanted to drive straight to Weed but after only an hour of driving Laura’s eyelids were drooping and Carmilla insisted she let her drive. Which was how she ended up behind the wheel of the shitty Buick for the first time.

She found herself actually feeling eager to show Laura that she was a totally capable driver, but soon after Laura told her the directions she fell asleep in the passenger seat. Carmilla figured it could be taken as a compliment if she was comfortable enough with her driving to fall asleep. Or she was just that tired, but Carmilla chose to believe the former.

The silence was less uncomfortable now that Laura was asleep and not just ignoring her. Carmilla found she missed driving, the simplicity of such a normal, everyday activity. It was a shred of normalcy in a world that had been turned upside down.

Without Laura’s cold shoulder to think about, she was suddenly hit with a wave of sadness when she thought of Will. It was unlikely that she’d ever see him again, and not only that, but her actions had probably ruined his life. He’d go into foster care, maybe, or be shipped off to live with some distant relative they’d never met.

But at least her mother would never hurt him again. Had she saved him or condemned him?

She turned the radio on to try to pull her mind away from her brother and kept the volume low so Laura could sleep.

* * *

 

They were 20 minutes away from Weed when she woke up. Laura’s eyes fluttered open and settled on Carmilla. Her hands were resting on the bottom of the wheel, barely in a position of control. Laura got the impression that she was always trying to give off an air of casual disaffectedness, hoping that anyone who knew her wouldn’t think there was anything beneath her cool exterior. Laura was beginning to figure out that beneath the surface, Carmilla was anything but cool. She was fire wrapped in ice, a walking paradox.

Carmilla seemed to feel her eyes and she turned to meet them.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she murmured. Her voice was so soft it was hard for Laura to remember she was angry at her. Sleepyhead was a far cry from the condescending pet names.

“Are we there yet?” Laura asked, her voice still rough with sleep.

Carmilla reached over and popped the glove compartment open, her knuckles brushing against Laura’s knees. “Check the map,” Carmilla said, pulling it out and dropping it on Laura’s lap.

Carmilla would be so screwed without her. Another thing Laura learned about her was that she couldn’t read a map for shit. Laura got rid of her cell phone that first night they came together, Carmilla left hers at home, and the shitty car she stole didn’t miraculously have a GPS system, but it did have a good amount of maps in the compartment. Laura’s dad hadn’t been big on technology.

Laura blinked the drowsiness away and squinted at the map. “Yeah, we’re close,” she said, “its a few more exits.”

Carmilla hummed in acknowledgement and Laura turned to look out the window. They hadn’t been in California long but the terrain was already noticeably different; a lot more mountains and slopes. Carmilla was a surprisingly careful driver despite the way she held the wheel, and it put Laura more at ease when she slowed down to turn gently on the slopes.

The rest of the drive went quickly and they were pulling into the lot of the first motel they could find in no time.  Carmilla went into the lobby to check them in while Laura got their stuff together. She gathered their bags and the duffle filled with money and their guns. She shoved Carmilla’s blood-soaked sweatshirt into the corner of the trunk and shuddered at the memory. When she shut the trunk, Carmilla was standing by the front of the car, watching her with an unreadable expression on her face

She watched her for a moment longer before walking over to where Laura was standing by the trunk. She gently slipped the duffle off her shoulder and, with some effort, slung it across her chest.

“Jesus, how much is in here?” Carmilla asked lowly. Laura didn’t respond, just grabbed the room key from Carmilla’s hand and looked at the number. The rooms were all lined up in front of the parking lot, only one floor, so their room was only about 20 feet away from their car. Carmilla shivered and struggled to adjust the strap on her shoulder, wincing uncomfortably. Laura walked past her and headed to room 4. The number on the door was painted on top of a cute mountain design. Mount Shasta, Laura assumed. The town was supposed to be close to the huge mountain, it would probably be visible by morning.

The first thing she did when she pushed the door open was find and turn on the wall heater. The door started to swing shut behind her, nearly hitting Carmilla in the face. She shouldered the door back open and leveled Laura with a stare. Laura ignored her, huddling by the heater.  After she warmed up a bit she turned to look at the room. It was small but cute; two twin beds separated by a couple feet, a desk on the opposite wall and a small TV hanging above it. Laura was relieved to see the other girl had gotten them two beds instead of one. She needed as much space as she could get right now, and Carmilla clearly had her flaws but she at least was always respectful of her boundaries.

Once she was warm enough to walk away from the heater, she pulled some clothes from her bag and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Long hours in the car always made her feel grimy and seemed to take all of the life out of her hair.

The second she was alone and under running water, the gravity of what she’d done came crashing down around her. She may have _killed_ someone. Ended his life. Someone young, someone with a family. And the worst part of it was that she couldn’t even put all of the blame on Carmilla. _She_ had pulled the trigger to save Carmilla-to save both of them. Carmilla had only provided her with a choice.

She covered her mouth to smother a sob and hoped the sound of the water and the bathroom fan would drown out the sounds of her crying. She thought of the guard’s body going limp, the way Carmilla shoved him off and rushed to her side, like the body was just an obstacle. Laura curled in on herself and cried. Who was this person she had tied her life and her future to?

She was in the shower for more than an hour and when she came out, Carmilla was sitting on the bed with the money spread out in front of her. She was sitting incredibly still, eyes fixed on the money. Laura ran a towel over her hair and waited for Carmilla to say something.

“Laura…” Carmilla dragged her eyes up slowly to meet hers, “This is-this is nearly 30,000 dollars,”

Laura just nodded, “I figured as much,” she said.

Carmilla stood up slowly and moved to stand in front of her, “Do you know what this means? We can start over,” she whispered reverently, “Our whole lives- we can have a clean slate,”

Laura was almost unnerved by the intensity of Carmilla’s eyes, and she stepped around her, towards her own bed, “Maybe, but how can I ever forget what we did-what I did-to get this money?”

“You did what you had to do,” Carmilla moved to stand behind her, and Laura whipped around to face her.

“I did what you made me do,” she spat.

Carmilla recoiled for a moment, eyebrows drawing together, before surging forward so her face was so close Laura could see every eyelash, “I didn’t make you do anything, sweetheart. I gave you an option; save us both or spend the rest of your life in prison. We’re in this together, whether you like it or not. You’ve aided a murderer, you’ve participated in armed robbery. I’m all you have in this fucked up world. Me, a couple of guns and a shit ton of cash. You could do a lot worse,” she punctuated her sentence with a quick look over Laura’s face, the heat in her eyes, before turning sharply away and heading for the bathroom.

* * *

 

 The outside world was changing to a cool blue with the rising sun when Carmilla blinked suddenly awake. She frowned at the ceiling, never one to wake naturally before the sun was higher up. Especially not after only-3 hours of sleep, a glance at the clock tells her. The mystery is solved seconds later, when she hears Laura cry out from her bed across the room.

Carmilla considered waiting for it to pass before Laura jerked around, gasping and mumbling, “No, I can’t-,”

She blearily got out of bed and stumbled over to Laura’s, gently grabbing her shoulder, “Hey, Laura, Laura, Laura. Laura, you’re dreaming,”

Laura jerked away from her and Carmilla had to kneel on the bed to keep ahold of her shoulder, shaking it lightly. Laura’s eyes fluttered open and tears had started to flow down her cheeks. Carmilla blew out a sigh and planned on blaming what she did next on how early it was. She bent down and slipped her arms under Laura’s back and up to her shoulders, pulling her close against her. Laura balled her fists into Carmilla’s shirt, so her knuckles were pressing into her rib cage.

“I hate you,” Laura sobbed into her neck, “I hate you for doing this to me,”

 _I hate myself too,_ Carmilla thought. She said, instead, “I know. It’s okay,”

Carmilla kept her arms wrapped around Laura’s shoulders until they stopped shaking, until the fists balled against her ribcage loosened and Laura’s tears dried on her neck. She quietly disentangled herself and returned to her own bed for a few more hours of sleep.

She woke up to a room brighter with sunlight after a pair of jeans hit her in the face. She grumbled as she shoved the jeans away and looked around to find Laura pulling on a denim jacket next to the bathroom door.

“Get dressed,” she said, not looking Carmilla in the eye, “we have something to take care of today,”

Carmilla decided against asking any questions for now and dressed in some black skinny jeans, a crop top and an oversized green jacket. When her hair wouldn’t cooperate immediately and with Laura staring impatiently at her from the bathroom doorway, she pulled on one of her not ruined beanies to cover the damage.

They were in the car moments later, and Carmilla was trying to adjust her hair under the beanie so her bangs didn’t poke her in the eyes.

“So who’s this mystery woman who’s going to get us the IDs?”

Laura shrugged, “All I know is her name is Elsie and she’s been doing this for years,”

It turned out Elsie lived just 10 minutes away from where they were staying, in a rundown old house. Th front yard was overgrown with tall grass, weeds and bushes that didn’t look like they had ever been trimmed. The walkway was barely visible and at one point Laura tripped in the weeds and had to catch herself on Carmilla’s arm to avoid face planting.

Carmilla fought back a smile and rapped on the door, “Is she expecting us?”

“Well, we’re about to find out,”

The door swung open before Laura finished her sentence to reveal an attractive blonde about their age. Carmilla was becoming more and more impressed at the arsenal of well-equipped criminals Laura apparently had at her disposal.

* * *

 

Laura was not expecting someone as young or as pretty as Elsie was.

“You must be Laura and Carmilla!” Elsie said brightly, stepping aside and gesturing for them to come in, “JP told me I should be expecting you,”

Carmilla walked in first and Laura didn’t miss the way Elsie’s eyes lingered on her ass before Laura followed her and blocked the view. Elsie shut the door behind them and walked in front of them to lead them up the stairs.

“It’s so nice to meet friends of JP. I haven’t seen that boy in forever, how is he doing?” Elsie asked as they reached the top of the stairs.

“I wouldn’t say I’m a friend,” Carmilla said at the same time Laura responded with, “He’s good,”

The blonde walked them to the last door at the end of the hall and opened it for them. From what they’d seen of the house so far, this room was substantially nicer than all the others. It was equipped with a high-quality camera aimed at a stool in front of a green screen. The camera was hooked up to a high quality computer and printer. Heavy curtains were drawn shut over the large window to make the room feel more private. The heels of Carmilla’s boots made no sound in the plush carpet as she made her way to the computer set up. She scanned the equipment, looking impressed.

“So, my going rate is $200 a pop. It sounds like a lot, but these are really the best quality you can find. I’m extremely good at this and all my cards have a level of authenticity that simply can’t be found elsewhere.”

Carmilla focused on the blonde and walked over to where Elsie was standing by the door. She leaned against the doorway and tilted her head, smirking at Elsie. “Wow, pretty and talented. I’ve got to say, you are not at all what I was expecting,”

Elsie smiled even bigger somehow at the compliment and mirrored Carmilla’s position by leaning against the wall, “Oh yeah, and what were you expecting?”

Carmilla straightened and took a step closer, reaching up to flick a strand of blonde out of Elsie’s face, “I mean, criminal’s aren’t usually so tall and…blonde,” Carmilla drawled.

Elsie giggled and Laura cleared her throat over the sound. “If you guys don’t mind, we kind of have a schedule to keep so…”

Carmilla looked like she was about to protest but Elsie immediately slipped back into a slightly more professional demeanor and walked over to the camera.

“No problem Laura, who wants to go first?”

After their photos were taken, Laura smiling brightly in hers and Carmilla staring apathetically at the camera her own, they sat behind Elsie while she set them up in the right format.

“I don’t normally let customers pick the names they want but I like you guys so I’ll make an exception,” Elsie said, “Any ideas?”

While Laura’s was printing and she started working on Carmilla’s, Carmilla got up to get a closer look at what she was doing. She rested her elbows on the counter and leaned in close enough so her arm was brushing against the blonde’s. Laura frowned and got up to stand by the printer.

Laura stared hard at the printer’s progress so she didn’t have to pay attention to Carmilla’s blatant flirting, her mood getting darker with every piercing giggle Carmilla elicited.

The two only joined her after both the IDs finished printing.

“Alright Mircalla Morgan and Ell Lane, that’ll be $300,” Elsie said.

“Wouldn’t it be $400? I thought you said it was—”

Carmilla elbowed her in the side at the same time Elsie cut her off to say, “I know, but I figured I’d give you guys a discount. I mean, you were referred by a friend and you did buy two…”

Laura looked at Carmilla who was raising her eyebrows at her like she was trying to communicate something. Laura only stared for a moment before she shrugged and begrudgingly thanked Elsie. Elsie, who then offered them some breakfast. Laura didn’t know how to refuse after getting a hundred dollar discount, which was how she ended up suffering through another hour of flirting. Not that it bothered her.

* * *

 

Kirsch was picking his daughter up from daycare when he got the call. He answered his phone with his left hand and propped Sarah up against his hip, holding her in place with his right hand,

“Can’t get enough of me? Come on Lawrence, I just saw you ten minutes ago,” he said, shouldering open the door of the daycare exit.

“We have a break in the Karnstein case, dude. Get your ass to the station,” she barked.

Sarah wriggled excitedly in his arms, “Is that Aunt Danny? Tell her I say hi!”

“You hear that, Aunt Danny?”

“Loud and clear,” Danny said, her voice considerably softer, “Tell the little munchkin I say hi back,”

“Anyway,” Kirsch continued, “I’m just picking her up from daycare, can it wait?”

“No, dude,” Danny’s voice was already sharp again, “Call the nanny. The sergeant wants to talk to us about the case. And it’s a big break, Kirsch. You’re gonna shit yourself.”

Kirsch sighed and propped the phone against his shoulder so he could get the car door open, “I haven’t seen her all day. Can I bring her with me?”

“Sure, if you want to explain to Spielsdorf why you brought a three year old to the homicide department,”

Kirsch made a face while he considered it, and Sarah giggled at him while he strapped her into her car seat. “Yeah, fu-fudge it, it’s worth it. We’ll just keep a close eye on her,”

There was a stretch of silence and Kirsch knew what was coming before Danny said, “First of all, did you just say _fudge_ it? Second, what do you mean _we_?”

“Um, yeah man, I’m with a three year old. And yeah, don’t try to pretend you wouldn’t mind watching her. You haven’t seen Sarah in weeks,”

“I’m gonna see Aunt Danny?” Sarah piped up from the back seat.

“Yeah, popsicle! You’re coming with daddy to work!”

“Yay!” Sara yelled, waggling her feet out in front of her.

Kirsch started the car and Danny sighed, “I really wish you wouldn’t refer to yourself in the third person.”

* * *

 

Danny rolled her eyes but couldn’t fight the smile she got when she saw him walk in with Sarah on his shoulders. He felt Sarah squeeze his hair in excitement when Danny came into view and scrunched up his face. When Danny got close enough she held out her arms and Kirsch scrunched down so Danny could lift Sarah off his shoulders and into her arms.

“Hey, sweetie, it’s been a while!”

Sarah wrapped her arms around her shoulders and Danny was full on grinning now, “Your dad not embarrassing you too much?”

Sarah shook her head with a smile.

“Of course not, Sarah knows I’m super cool,” Kirsch said, only mildly offended that Danny would even ask.

“Alright, well let’s talk in my office before we go to see Spielsdorf,” Danny suggested, walking with Sarah in the direction of her office.

When they got there Danny put Sarah in his lap and gave her a paper and pens to draw with. Kirsch covered her ears with his hands and Danny started to fill him in.

 “There was a bank robbery in a small town near Portland. Aurora, I think. A man was shot after tackling one of the robbers. When he tackled the robber, she hit her head and left _blood._ They tested it and they just contacted us with the results. Want to take a guess at who the robber is?” Danny was grinning.

“Carmilla?”

“The one and only. But get this; Carmilla didn’t shoot the guy, her partner did,”

“Oh man, partner?”

“Yep. I’m thinking it’s Laura Hollis,” Danny continued.

Kirsch racked his mind for why that name sounded familiar. Coming up blank, he asked, “Okay, why does that sound familiar?”

Danny was up and pacing now, “We found her prints in Carmilla’s bathroom. But Hollis is a nobody and Will Karnstein made no mention of another person at the house. We figured she had just been a friend visiting the day before or something.”

“Apparently not,” Kirsch murmured, working through the new information. He glanced down and noted that Sarah was doodling some stick figures holding hands.

“Now I’m thinking she’s an accomplice,” Danny came to a stop in front of his chair, leaning against her desk. Kirsch and Sarah both looked up from the drawing and he dropped his hands from her ears.

“This is a good lead, Kirsch. We know where they were just last night,”

There was a knock at the door and they turned in time to see their Sergeant poke her head in the door.

“Can I see you two-,” Betty paused, noticing Sarah, “Um, _three_ , in my office?”

Kirsch ended up leaving Sarah waiting outside with one of his buddies on the force while they went in to talk to Betty. When they walked in she was sitting at her desk typing away and looked up at them over the wired rim of her glasses.  

“As you two know, our prime suspect was last seen in Arora, Oregon just last night,” Betty began before they had a chance to sit down, never one to beat around the bush, “I want you two to go to Arora and see what you can find out. Follow their trail, haul Carmilla and her little friend back here so we can put their asses on trial,”

Danny was already looking at him like she knew what he was going to say.

“Uh, Sergeant, I’ve got a kid. How long are we talking?”

Betty leaned back in her chair and folded her arms, “I don’t know, detectives. How long do you think it’ll take to haul in a couple of teenagers? Frankly I’m embarrassed they’ve gotten this far already.”

Kirsch frowned at his lap and fought back his protests. He could feel Danny’s eyes on him.

Betty plowed on, “Your flight leaves tomorrow morning; we’ve wasted enough time already. Those little shits could be in California by now. You’re dismissed,”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys don't understand how excited I am for the next chapter. Thanks for reading! Hope it was worth the wait. Oh and surprise! More Hozier in the title. Do yourself a favor and just listen to his whole album just do it.


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